I Hate the Way You Make Me Feel
by bldydestini
Summary: Olivia and Natalia deal with the fallout from Emma's presentation and their own growing feelings.


I Hate the Way You Make Me Feel

Chapter 1

Natalia threw her purse down onto the couch and stomped into the kitchen. She had the urge to eat something, something totally unhealthy; the urge to stuff her face with chips or popcorn, whatever she could put her hands on. She wanted to shove it all down her throat along with the irrational anger bubbling to the surface as Olivia continued to rant about Emma's presentation.

"I can't believe she read that in front of everyone!" Olivia said, following Natalia into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. "You know what they all think now, don't you?' she asked.

Natalia sighed and closed the cupboard. She'd settle for warm milk and the quiet solitude of her bedroom. Family Night was turning into anything but.

"Yes, I know. I really don't thinks it's that big a deal. Emma's a kid, cut her a break."

"But you remember what her teacher said. It's unhealthy for her to delude herself. Not to mention the ridicule she opens herself to…and us."

Natalia slammed the sauce pan down onto the burner, her back to Olivia.

"Emma is stronger than you give her credit for being." Natalia was glad they had sent Emma home with Buzz. The little girl had been upset enough when Olivia had suggested she re-write her paper at the last minute, not understanding why, but then to see her mother's out of character reaction when the original paper had been read aloud at Family Night; well it was more than poor Emma could take. She'd been mortified. Frankly, Natalia wished she could have gone with them.

"This isn't so much about Emma as it is about everyone else," Olivia said.

"So you keep saying." Natalia poured milk into the pan, then returned the bottle to the fridge with a pointed slam of the door. She leaned back against it and turned to face Olivia, her arms crossed over her chest. She'd hoped they could talk about this, had been hoping since the meeting with Emma's teacher, but Olivia had been avoiding her. Now she seemed content to just rail.

"Since when do you give a damn what other people think?" Natalia glared at her friend.

Olivia studied her, flabbergasted.

"I don't."

"Could have fooled me."

"They were all there Natalia, Emma invited them herself. I don't care about the other parents but…but…" she shook her head, realizing she sounded almost hysterical. _Breathe Olivia, breathe._

"But what, Olivia?"

"Frank, Buzz...you know what they're going to wonder now, how they will analyze every little thing we do, every look." She put her head in her hands and mumbled, "Alan, oh god, Alan…"

"WHY DO YOU CARE?" Natalia ground out through gritted teeth.

"Why don't you?" Olivia challenged.

"This isn't about me." Natalia quickly turned away from Olivia's penetrating gaze.

"It's about _us_," Olivia pointed out, not understanding why Natalia was so angry at her. Or perhaps just choosing to ignore the reason. She knew she was being evasive. She could hardly tell the brunette the truth. That Emma's paper brought out something inside herself, shining a bright light on it, that she had been trying desperately to hide.

_Damn it_, she thought, _I hate the way she makes me feel._

"There is no _us_," Natalia huffed, returning to the stove, muttering to herself as the milk bubbled over. "You've made _that_ perfectly clear."

_Damn it_, Natalia thought, _I hate the way she makes me feel_.

"What exactly does _that_ mean?"

"What does it mean?" Natalia turned off the stove and sat the milk aside, it was ruined anyway. "What does it mean?" _How can I tell you when I don't know myself?_

"Yea, that's what I asked."

Natalia threw up her hands in disgust. "I wish I knew!" She started to pace then thought better of it, opting instead to stand on the opposite side of the table facing Olivia; gripping the back of the chair so hard her knuckles turned white.

"From the sound of things the very idea of us being together or people even thinking we might be is utterly distasteful to you. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though, you've always found me lacking haven't you? Always thought I was beneath you. Good enough to work for you, help with Emma, but nothing more. Is that it?"

Olivia was taken aback, so shocked she could not speak. Natalia took Olivia's silence as her answer.

"I guess that's it then. If I'm so repugnant to you then maybe you shouldn't be living here," Natalia sighed the beginnings of tears burning her eyes. "I'm going to bed."

"But it's only 8 o'clock," Olivia mumbled.

"**Now** she speaks. " Natalia's voice had a sarcastic tone that felt like sandpaper on Olivia's heart. "I'm not going to bed to sleep, I'm just getting away from _you_!" Natalia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. There was no reason to argue or yell, no reason at all. "When you're ready to be honest with me, to talk to me like an adult, you know where to find me."

With that she turned and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room.

The sound of Natalia's bedroom door slamming caused Olivia to flinch.

"It isn't like that at all," she whispered into the deathly silence, staring at the empty space Natalia had occupied only moments before.

She abruptly stood, almost knocking over her chair in the process. _How in the world did we get to this point? And why does it feel like none of this has anything to do with Emma's paper?_

Olivia walked over to the stove and grabbed the saucepan full of hot milk. _I'm such an idiot_, Olivia thought, _this is all my fault_.

"Damn it!" she threw the pan into the sink, crying out in pain as the milk splattered onto her arm scalding her. As her skin turned red and burned, Olivia gripped the sides of the sink, hung her head, and sobbed.


End file.
